Transitioning from a pregnant woman to a mother of one has been a huge adjustment. A magical, overwhelming, exciting, scary, adoring, can’t-believe-how-blessed-I-am adjustment. It really is the most life-changing and fragile period.
As such, I’ve encountered many new thoughts and experiences in my first month of being a mum, and I’ve learnt A LOT. Below is everything I learnt in the first month of being a mum… wellllll, most things. Hey, “everything I learnt in the first month of being a mum that I remembered to jot down in my notes app, blurry eyed from the newborn bubble” doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?
About babies…
1. Babies are noisy sleepers
Babies will grunt, cry out, wriggle, reach out, and more in their sleep. This was such a shock to me; I was jumping up to tend to her the first few nights to find out that she was properly asleep still. Whoever coined the phrase “sleep like a baby” clearly had never had a baby. They do sleep up to 19 hours a day in the first few weeks though, so maybe that’s what they meant?
2. Burping a baby takes the patience of a saint
And when you get that burp, you’ll feel like you’ve won the lottery!
3. Sneezing and congestion as a newborn is normal
Especially for a c-section baby, who hasn't… erm… had the fluids squeezed out of them during birth. I was SO paranoid my daughter was ill or couldn't breathe in the night!
4. Their farts can cause them pain… but it’s okay
I felt so helpless seeing my daughter cry when passing wind; but it’s totally normal with their immature digestive systems. If it becomes more concerning though, speak to your health visitor and they can advise on what you can do.
5. Babies can't regulate their own temperature
So, you’ll spend ages over-analysing what your child is wearing to sleep/go out/watch EastEnders on the sofa, especially in those first couple of weeks.
6. Like vampires, baby's shouldn't be in direct sunlight until a year old
Hats, parasols, your hand will all become your best friend to protect their delicate skin.
7. Babies can’t drink tap water
Which, for a human that hiccups a lot, surprised me! They also can’t eat honey (not that they’d be doing that in the first month anyway; you start to wean at around six months).
8. Babies will lose weight after birth
‘Getting back to birth weight’ is something you’ll hear at your day 5 and day 10 community midwife appointments (and further along with the health visitor if baby isn’t back to birth weight by then, I imagine); it’s totally normal for them to lose weight in the first few days Earthside.
9. Put the ‘frilly bits’ outside the nappy
A hot tip from a fellow mum, make sure you fold the frilly bits of the nappy around the legs outwards. This should (but not always!) help prevent a nappy leak.
10. So many anxiety-inducing things that happen to a baby in the first month are actually totally normal
I feel like I prepared a lot for birth, but not for what came after, and as a result, anything that changed day to day would have me on high alert. However, after asking my partner/mum/mum friends/Google “is this normal?”, every single concern I had this month about baby came back “yes, it is normal”.
About motherhood…
11. Motherhood will reveal an innate ability to create songs at the drop of a hat
Morning, noon, or night, I somehow come up with multiple jingles a day. Ask me to freestyle pre-birth, and I would have froze. Get me to that karaoke booth, stat!
12. The hormone drop in the first fortnight is very real
You will experience a massive hormone drop at some point in the first fortnight, and boy, it’ll crash hard. Mine came on day 9, which, unfortunately, coincided with my first time solo parenting, and I literally cried all day long. It’s totally normal though, and you’ll feel much better in a day or two.
13. You will simultaneously have more time than you think, and less time than you think
Babies sleep a lot in the first month, so you’d think “hey, in the absence of work, I’ll have a lot of free time.” On some days, this felt true: once a week during nap times I’d wash my hair (I finally did my curly hair routine for the first time post-birth when my daughter was three week old), or write a blog post like this one while baby girl is with her dad downstairs.
A lot of the time though, nap times will fly by in a blur of sterilising, clothes washing, brushing one’s teeth, pumping milk, general life admin that needs to be done. Don’t get me started on “sleep when the baby sleeps”; this does happen sometimes, but can’t happen all the time! Also, sometimes, you’d rather do something for yourself during that nap time than sleep.
14. Breastfeeding is really f-ing hard
I’ve got another blog post on this in the works, so I won’t go too heavy here, but it really isn’t as simple as putting baby to your breast, and they’ll drink. It feels like the biggest myth of child bearing. There is so much to contend with, like latching, milk supply, building milk supply (which takes a lot of commitment), soreness, engorgement…
15. Spilling breastmilk feels like the worst thing ever in the world
Leading on from the point above, because of the strife, spilling breastmilk can literally feel like you’ve been sent to hell.
16. There is such a sisterhood in motherhood
I can’t remember if I saw this on a reel, a Netflix show, or in a soap (lol, my brain is tired, okay): “motherhood is the least original experience.” What they meant is that if you’re experiencing something, it’s very very likely another 100+ mothers have too.
I don’t live too close to my friends or family, but since giving birth, many female friends/acquaintances/former colleagues/even a former course mate from university who have children themselves have reached out with supportive words and anecdotes. I have also found myself in a Facebook group for first-time mums in the UK, and see daily comments and conversations of solidarity.
I have to give a special shout out to two mums in particular: a former line manager (and since friend) of mine and a current colleague in Spain, both of whom gave birth themselves this year, and have been my absolute lifelines when it comes to all things ‘first time mum’.
17. Your mother instincts may take a hot second to come in
Much like breastfeeding, a common myth perpetuated in life is that as soon as you give birth, your mothering instincts will kick in. For some, perhaps it will, but for a lot of us, it’ll take a hot second. While I felt an instant need to protect and care for my daughter, and that I loved this little cute human, I didn’t feel instantly like I knew her, or how to care for her. If I’m honest, my body felt on high alert, in fight or flight mode, for at least the first fortnight. It’s only now in the last week or two that I feel totally comfortable being solely responsible for her at home, and that I’m actually finding my feet as a mother.
18. This love is totally different to anything you’ll have every felt before
Everyone has always said this: the love you feel for your child is inexplainable, and you have to experience it to understand. I finally get it. I cannot put into words the innate, complex, all-encompassing love I feel for my daughter, but it’s the most powerful feeling I’ve ever felt.
19. You will crave some time to yourself, but then miss your child or feel mum guilt when you get it
Despite really wanting to paint my nails or write blog posts like this, I miss my daughter when I’m doing these things. I want to go and check on her, and cuddle her, even though she’s perfectly fine with her dad downstairs. I also am constantly thinking “maybe I should be pumping milk, instead of doing this” or “I shouldn’t waste this bonding time with her while she’s awake on something less important.” Forget ‘Velcro baby’, maybe I’m a ‘Velcro mum’!
20. Your body isn’t just your body anymore - but that isn’t a bad thing
It can feel like a lot when your body is still in pain weeks after giving birth, or hurts from feeding baby, but remember, ultimately, your body is now also someone else’s safe place, their ground zero, their home. It’s where they lived for nine months, where they can come back to (albeit on, rather than in, lol) when the big noisy world with all its sights and smells are too much.
Initially, I was very hard on my body, due to some of the circumstances surrounding my daughter’s birth, and my struggles with breastfeeding, but I realise, how can I criticise this vessel that literally brought life into the world, and continues to provide comfort to my most precious thing?
Also, and this probably isn’t very politically correct of me to say these days, but after being pregnant for nine months, you’ll feel the skinniest you’ve felt in ages haha! I wore a crop top, something I’d never have worn pre-pregnancy, to register my daughter’s birth!
About myself…
BONUS POINT. This month really has been the strangest of my life… and I’ve had some strange times in the last 30-odd years; however, ultimately, it has made me realise I am stronger than I know. Despite the crisis of confidence, despite the anxiety, despite the worries, my daughter and I are thriving at the end of month 1. I can’t credit that all to myself (my partner is phenomenal, I have a good support network, and my daughter herself is an absolute dream), but as Snoop Dogg says “last but not least, I want to thank ME!”
I built this little life with my very own body, I birthed her from my body, I continue to provide comfort for her with this body, still have it operate for me too, and do it all on a lot of broken sleep! Even as I type this though, and despite being pregnant for the best part of a year, I still can’t quite believe this human being grew and came out of my body?!
A final thought - though one I must admit I have poached from a friend, who reassured me when I had my day 9 hormone drop: reframe anything you’re worried about as 'mum bingo’. Everything is an opportunity to mark off another square on your mum bingo card. Solo parenting for a day? Ticked. Leaving her alone in her Moses basket while popping to the bathroom? All good. First poonami? Nailed ittttt (that was super gross though… how does poop get so high up?!)