As someone who had never looked after a baby by themselves, ever, having my daughter has been a steep learning curve. A magical, scary, wonderful, overwhelming, head-over-heels-in-love learning curve. The biggest lesson of all so far, though? Breastfeeding and everything it entails.
For all the images in the media, for all the chats I had with mothers during and before pregnancy, for all the leaflets about ‘breast is best’, no one warned a sister that breastfeeding is not as simple as putting baby to breast and they drink it?! I’ve believed this my whole life - well as long as I’ve been aware of breastfeeding as a concept, anyway - and the fact this isn’t the case has genuinely been the biggest shock of motherhood thus far.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it won’t be hard for everyone, but the more I speak to my mum friends about my breastfeeding troubles, the more I’ve heard “oh, I had this problem too”, “my friend experienced this when she had her child”, or “I didn’t struggle with that aspect of breastfeeding, but I struggled with this other aspect”. Below is an article I’d have loved to have read prior to starting my breastfeeding journey, so hopefully it can help others who find themselves in a similar position to me.
Please note, I am not a medical professional; everything I’ve written below is based solely on my own experiences, so of course, take my advice with a pinch of salt/do your own research/seek medical advice if needed.
What does it take to breastfeed?
Even if you have no issues, whatsoever, it is still a skill. In order for a baby to drink milk, you need to a) get them to latch properly (how exactly they have the nipple/breast in their mouth), and b) you need to have the milk supply to feed them.
At the hospital (or I imagine at home if you have a homebirth), the staff will show you how to get a proper latch on your first day/night/following morning with your baby. You can also attend antenatal classes during your pregnancy. While the breastfeeding antenatal class I attended covered latching on, and colostrum harvesting - your very first ‘milk’, kind of like a concentrated squash version before your milk properly comes in - it didn’t cover low milk supply, so I did not even think this could be an issue.
Why did I find it hard?
As it goes, my main issue with breastfeeding is a low milk supply. While my colostrum came in fine, and baby girl mostly latched on well, it became evident early on my milk supply wasn’t keeping up with baby girl’s hunger. Due to some of the circumstances surrounding her birth, the hospital had encouraged us to do ‘top up’ bottle feeds after breastfeeding from birth. As such, when girly pop would become frustrated and not getting fed enough from my body, and I would get upset that she was hungry and I was unable to feed her enough, we defaulted to bottle pretty quickly. Add in the ease of the bottle overnight, meaning either parent could feed her while the other slept, sometimes breast would be skipped altogether. This didn’t help the milk supply situation (it’s a supply and demand thing; the more baby drinks, the more your body is signalled to make).
What did I do?
Initially, I felt a lot of mum guilt. Why was my body letting my daughter and I down?! Why wasn’t it doing what it was meant to do?! Was it my fault?! I carried this heavy weight and mindset for a fair bit, even after I decided to take action. There were a lot of tears (hers when hungry, mine in frustration at my body… which is wrong because it kept my daughter safe for nine months, birthed her safely, and gives her comfort).
However, after some days wallowing, I thought “let me give this my best shot” (or is that breast shot?)!! If after that, I still am unable to breastfeed or properly combination feed (breast + bottle), then at least I know I really tried, and my daughter is still getting all the nutrition she needs from formula, and will get it from food later this year too.
In order to try and build my milk supply, here is what I did (and some I continue to do):
Reach out for support. First things first, as I said in the intro, I ain’t no medical professional. While there is an array of support available to new mums in community midwives, health visitors, lactation specialists, and community drop in sessions, I cannot sing the praises of the National Breastfeeding Helpline enough. You can call them or DM them on social media 24/7, and they are so friendly, helpful, supportive, and a wealth of knowledge. I reached out to them on multiple occasions, and they truly take the time to give you bespoke advice to your situation.
Hand express or pump regularly during the day. Coupled with breast massage and breast compressions, I set daily reminders on my phone, and hand expressed or pumped regularly each day. It's recommended to do this every two to three hours to build supply, but in all honesty I a) didn't have the energy and b) didn't want to expend all the remaining energy I did have on this, instead of bonding with my child… after all, I'll never get this newborn time back! It really helped that we didn't have too many visitors in baby’s first six weeks or so (something we'd set) as it meant I could do this without feeling self conscious (not that you should feel self conscious!). Once I was filling a syringe or two regularly, I tried electric pumping, but for some reason, this didn't yield as “good” results for me.
Have realistic expectations. It was pretty disheartening to hear other mums say (or post on social media) that they struggled with supply, and then show 10/20ml of milk for it, while I was literally only getting 0.2ml or so mls out my tatas at each expressing/pumping session nearly a month after my daughter’s birth. I needed to accept this was a long-term commitment, and I wouldn’t be a fountain of milk overnight. In order to not get obsessed and focus on this instead of my daughter, I set a deadline for the following month that if I was still only seeing droplets, rather than even a small drinkable amount, I would stop and just bottlefeed. This gave me a goal.
Skin to skin. Literally having your baby’s skin touching your skin has some exceptional benefits for both mother and baby (and some for father and baby too). It helps regulate a baby's temperature, heart rate, and breathing; increases bonding; and crucially here, helps stimulate breastfeeding. I loved having skin to skin with my daughter anyway, her laying on my chest sleeping or doing tummy time when awake, so this was just an added benefit!
Putting her to the breast before each bottle feed (or as many as you remember to). Yep, even if it was only for a minute or two each time before we both wanted to cry. I became a bit more lax with this for a short period, which was probably a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I ensured to pick this back up.
Drink more water. Breastmilk is water based, so I made sure to drink more water than I probably normally would.
Timeline
So, bear in mind each person is totally different, I’m putting the below because it’s something I’d have loved to see myself when starting this journey. Don’t take this as gospel, because there are so many variables at play person to person. Here’s roughly what my timeline looked like, once I committed to the above:
In the first two to three days, there was nothing. Not a dribble in any hand expression or pumping session, and baby girl wasn’t drinking from breast.
Following this, for about a week, I’d get a few drops out in hand expression or pumping session. I had a couple of times when baby girl latched on and drank for more than 60 seconds during this time, and I felt such a sense of achievement when she got even a droplet of the milk ‘made for her’. This encouraged me to keep going!
During the following three weeks, I started to collect the droplets of milk in colostrum syringes, and eventually started filling around 1-2 syringes per session every so often - but not consistently! However, this was still super encouraging to keep going. While I did try to get baby girl to go to breast a fair few times, I did find it super painful and she would still get frustrated that it wasn't as quick as a bottle.
After around a month after starting to really commit to the above to build milk supply, I decided to buy an electric pump. Not only is it meant to help stimulate milk flow, but as baby had started to have longer wake windows, and I was almost back to full health after childbirth via c-section, expressing/pumping manually at set times each day became unrealistic with the delights and demands of the day. Unfortunately, this yielded worse results than hand expression had.
After some soul searching, reaching the ‘deadline’ I’d mentioned earlier in this post, and another encouraging conversation with my partner, I took a break from the pumping and breastfeeding, and the pressure around it all for a good five days, unsure if I’d return to it. This break really showed me that baby girl being fed and happy is the most important thing, and all this pressure I'd been putting on myself took away some of the attention I should have been giving my daughter, and imposed a routine, when me and baby girl should have been enjoying the absence of one in the newborn phase.
I, on a whim, decided to pump about a week later. This was genuinely the most fruitful pump I’d had in weeks, probably because I had relaxed. There and then, I decided I’d pump once a day, not bound by a set time, and put baby girl to breast when I could, and whatever I got is what I’d give my daughter - even it was 1ml (which it was on many occasions). She was still getting milk made for her; yes, it might not have been the realms and realms of milk it should be at this point by NHS standards, but as I am combination feeding, my daughter is still getting some small benefits of breastmilk (even one drop has tens of thousands of antibodies) and being fed well through her formula too.
Where am I now?
While all the things I tried actually did help build milk supply (very) slowly but surely, I found the pressure and the routine of pumping to impact our newborn stage in other ways disproportionately. As such, for now, I am doing point six as above - a pump a day and putting baby to breast regularly each day. Her latch is brilliant now, and the pain isn’t as much as it was before for me. I hope to continue this plan until she starts solids. Perhaps between now and then, my supply will become a half decent amount, but if not, I am content with the fact my girl has a satisfied stomach, is getting comfort, and I gave breastfeeding a damn good shot.
I am also proud of myself for committing and still continuing to stick at it, as both physically and mentally, it was not - and is not - easy! I’m well aware I haven't even covered other topics around breastfeeding, like engorgement, and breastfeeding in public, but I really wanted to make this piece about building milk supply as it was a topic little touched on that I'd have loved to read at the beginning of my journey.