A love letter to my pregnant body

I know I'm meant to be a writer/journalist because I had the idea to write this article at around 4.35am, in one of my many fleeting moments of being awake, as I peed for the third time since midnight. My brain is always on the hustle for an angle or a story, eh. I must confess though, this article is, in part inspired by this one, which I re-read recently and it took me right back to all the feelings I felt in 2020 that had long left the forefront of my mind as life progressed. That's why I always say I write this blog for me as well as others; I don't want to forget this pregnancy. So here we go, here is the love letter to my body:

Thank you for proving my anxiety - and doctors wrong 

This isn't something I openly speak about, but I was in talking therapies at the time of finding out I was pregnant. The 10 or so months prior to falling pregnant were the most volatile my mental health had been since 2017, and my mum and partner encouraged me to speak to someone: something I'd been deadset against. Why would I offload to a stranger?! It was a positive move though, so I now thank them for this. One of the ways my poor mental health manifested was in bouts of anxiety, and for a while in my first trimester, this transferred to miscarriage anxiety that I felt very, very intensely. However, as the weeks went by and my body stayed pregnant, I stopped letting these negative thoughts rule my experience. And my body backed me up. I can honestly say now, in a complete 180, my mental health has been very good throughout the rest of my pregnancy. 

Thank you for showing me my body is damn strong 

For years, I've defined the strength of my body by gym standards: how much I can squat, how well I can swing that kettlebell, even how quickly I can run a kilometre. Pregnancy has taught me having a strong body is SO much more than that. Throughout pregnancy, a woman’s metabolism operates at 2.2 times its normal rate, which is just below the human limit of 2.5 BMR (which you'll see many reels on IG compare it to running a marathon every single week for 40 weeks). Pregnant women grow 275+ new bones in their body (baby’s bones), grow then keep double the normal amount of organs functioning 24 hours a day, and bottom line, keep a whole other person alive with their body alone - all the while still holding down a full-time job and leading a full life like they were prior to their body doing all this. Pregnant women are the strongest creatures to walk on this planet, and you can't tell me different. Pregnant athletes? JEEZ. Hahaha. And I'm saying all this prior to my body even having given birth yet, which I'm sure will hone this point even more.  

Thank you for showing me that “hard” doesn't mean “bad”

Although I've always wanted to be a mum, I must say, I was never too fussed about experiencing pregnancy. It looked hard, and uncomfortable, and a means to an end, to be honest. However, despite its hardness and uncomfortableness, I now know it's also one of the most special experiences, and I'm genuinely in awe of my body and what it has achieved every single day. When I witness my stomach seemingly moving of its own accord, I'm like ‘wow, there's a baby in there that my body made’ (with a little contribution of course, haha). I am so proud of my body. I never understood before how nausea, or exhaustion, or bladder pain, or any other of these ‘negative’ things couldn't seem bad, but genuinely, I would do this forever for my child, it's weird. It's not nice but I don't hate it - I welcome it. 

Ultimately, thank you for giving me a new appreciation for my body 

Throughout the years, I've gone through waves of being fit by traditional standards - healthy eating, gym, running - and not so fit - little to no exercise, multiple takeouts, not making conscious health decisions. My body confidence has changed in waves too. However, pregnancy has given me the best balance of all: I eat healthier but still treat myself often, I do exercise for me not for a chore, I feel GOOD about my body. I'm not looking at the size of my arms or how my stomach looks in an outfit. If it feels good, I'm wearing it. I've added more patterns, and more colour to my predominantly black and burgundy wardrobe. I really hope this carefree attitude sticks around post birth - in fact, I'm going to make sure it does.

A comprehensive list of everything that shocked me about pregnancy

As a first-time mum, there are SO many things I learnt throughout pregnancy. Some small, some large, some downright surprising. No joke, I felt like everyday was a school day (as well as a work day… my brain is tired). 

The main thing I learnt is that our pregnant friends and mum friends don't necessarily share everything with non-pregnant/non-mum friends; sometimes the words just aren't there to explain something so huge, while other times, we don't want to talk for hours on end on a topic you may not be interested in, despite it being our reality 24/7. There were many things when I noted them to my mum-to-be and mum friends, they were like YUP. So, with that in mind - and so I don't chat people’s ears off - here is everything that totally surprised me about pregnancy:

Pregnancy is technically closer to 10 months, than 9

I mean, if I did the maths, it'd be obvious: 40 weeks, with roughly 4 weeks per month. Makes sense 

You will become way more aware of where your organs are in your torso 

Weeing can feel different, the desire to go number 2 feels different, you're aware of your breathing more. Everything shifts during pregnancy to make room for your growing uterus and baby, resulting in bodily functions you've had all your life feeling slightly different.

The scarcity of appointments at the beginning of pregnancy 

I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, so was shocked to learn that the earliest appointment you'll get is 9 weeks, unless something is wrong. I was there, sat with a huge life altering reality, my body already going through some wild changes, and no one “official” to talk about it with (thankfully my mum is a midwife). Even after 9 weeks, standard NHS appts in the first half of pregnancy are 9 weeks, 12 week scan, 16 week appt, and 20 week scan. In between, you're just vibing. 

You don't need a full bladder for ultrasounds past a certain point 

Early on, you'll need a full bladder, but from further on, you don't at all. However, at your midwife appointments, they will do a dip test, where they check your urine, so make sure you have enough wee for the tube. 

Baby brain is a very real thing

Pregnant women sometimes experience forgetfulness and brain fog, and I was definitely one of them - though I tried to mask it at work. This is due to changes in the brain structure during pregnancy, plus the tiredness and hormones. 

There are two stages of labour - and waters breaking isn't like it is in the media 

Prior to my pregnancy, my only reference point for birth was the media and off the hand comments from other people that it's the “worst pain in the world”: most of it quite negative. However, I made it my mission during my pregnancy to address my fears through positive birth stories, hypnobirthing, and actually learning about what would happen to my body during labour, and while I'm not like YAY CAN'T WAIT, I'm also no longer terrified. Of the many many many things I learnt, one that surprised was what the muscles are doing during labour, and how contractions are first upwards as you dilate, then downwards to push the baby out (if having a vaginal birth). Also, waters breaking isn't necessarily the first sign of labour as the TV shows and films would have you believe!! This is more likely to come in active labour.

The severity of morning sickness varies drastically between women

As someone who feared vomiting - and would do all and everything to avoid it, whether ill or hungover - I was so apprehensive about morning sickness when I found out I was pregnant. However, unlike social media and the general media will have you believe, not everyone is head-over-toilet for the first trimester. Yes, I did have nausea, yes, I did throw up a few times, and yes, brushing my teeth was playing a dangerous game every damn time, but it felt manageable, you know? With some peppermint tea or a few Polos when a few waves came on, I was okay. And that's coming from me, an absolute wimp from vomiting. Some people do have severe morning sickness, of course, and there's also hyperemesis gravidarum, but I say this to say pregnancy doesn't automatically equal vomiting 24/7. 

Pregnant women not only have super low immune systems, but they also produce way more mucus

So, when you get a cold or ill, that s*it will stay with you for ages!!!! What's worse, I ended up getting postnasal drips after each cold, which meant the most violent coughs the moment I lay down for weeks on end. It was horrendous. 

Sleep while you can is the biggest myth ever!!!!! 

The intense pregnancy exhaustion aside - where no matter how much you sleep, you're still tired - night time will bring back pain, rib pain, tossing and turning, limited sleeping positions and, most of all, regular toilet runs the further you progress into your pregnancy.

This is the longest you'll ever be congratulated for something 

Lol, seriously. 

A woman’s hormones don't go back to pre-pregnancy levels until two years after birth 

A lot of what women go through to bear children isn't immediately obvious to the naked eye. 

Statutory maternity pay is LESS than minimum wage, it is not for the full year, and it's TAXED

This was the learning that brought me down to early with the biggest bump; and that's coming from someone who has always been a savvy saver. At the time of writing, it's £187 a week, so around £750 gross - then you're taxed at your usual rate, so for me, that's 20%. Yep, do the math of outgoings (mortgage + bills + living) Vs incomings. Then on top of that, you're only eligible up to week 39, not the full year if you choose to take the full year maternity leave. Of course, usually it is people’s choice to have children, but if we didn't, who is paying tax in the future? Who is living in our society in the future? How does the human race continue? Only rich people have kids?

The ‘baby on board’ badge isn't a free pass to a seat 

People will actively pretend not to notice you/your badge/your stomach when you're further along - or genuinely be so in their own world they don't notice. When I was in pain though or nauseous, I had no qualms asking for a seat.

breastmilk is an active liquid

It changes day to night, summer to winter, and will adapt to what your baby needs at any given time. Magic!

What has surprised you about pregnancy?

7 things that helped me during my pregnancy as a first-time mum

Originally written just before the start of my third trimester - I will update this, and swap in and out if anything that changes in the final 12 or so weeks. If there is no update, well, then here is the list…

I have never been given as much information and advice about one topic until pregnancy. Everyone - and I mean everyone - has an anecdote to share, whether their own experience or of someone close to them; you like one pregnancy reel on IG, and it'll be all the algorithm serves you forever more; and between medical appointments, and family and friends, you'll get enough advice to last you a lifetime! Between all these sources, it can sometimes feel hella overwhelming, especially as often there is conflicting information depending on your sources or someone's personal experience. Just remember, bottom line, women have been giving birth for thousands of years - it's what our bodies evolutionally are made for. 

If you are reading this also pregnant, I'm not seeking to overload you with more information. These are simply the 7 things that had a significant impact on my experience of pregnancy as a first-time mum, and I highly recommend:

1. Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill

If you do one thing, and one thing only, to prepare for birth, make it reading the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill. My fiance bought this book for me early on in my pregnancy, but I shelved it until the second trimester, quite frankly sh*t scared about the prospect of birth, and in the throws of miscarriage anxiety, I didn't want to jinx it by preparing for anything before 12 weeks. However, this book changed my whole mindset surrounding birth. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't like “yippee, this is going to be a pain-free experience”, but I felt far more empowered and knowledgeable, and no longer petrified about the prospect of birth after reading this book. It breaks down birth into the different stages, gives you the science behind what's happening to your body, provides good anecdotes from real women, and broadly covers natural birth, pain relief, c sections, water birth, and everything in between. You’ll have to await my blog about my birth experience to see if it helped me when the crunch came…

2. Hypnobirthing course

If you'd like to further your positive experience around this, enrol in a hypnobirthing course (as recommended to me by my step sister and a couple of friends), which shares a lot of this information and goes further with coping techniques, and tangible comparisons. I did two - an hour-long free session, and a paid-for longer online course by The Positive Birth Company - and, ladies, please pay. The first one I just couldn't get on board with and was far too hippy for me. However, the PBC one, while a lot of the same info was presented, it was far more science and holistic based, without the need for frivolities (or naming your bits human names).

3. Start4Life emails

These are run by the NHS, and sent directly to your inbox every new week (you put your due date in, which you can amend after your dating scan too, so it's literally catered to your baby’s new week - i.e. I received them each Wednesday). It breaks down the information you may need week by week as you progress further into your pregnancy - whether it be an article about sleeping on your side, reassurances about implantation bleeding, or your rights do flexible hours - rather than overloading information in one go that might not be relevant to you for months yet. It also keeps you updated on your baby's progress week to week too, from their size to their milestones they're hitting within the womb. 

4. Baby memory book 

I love to write my personal blog posts, be it about travel or pregnancy, as a way to look back on my experiences in years to come. I also am big on printing out photos at the end of each year and putting them in a physical album. This is an amalgamation of both. I got a baby book, one that covers weekly from nine weeks in utero to baby’s first birthday, as one of my first purchases, and relished in filling it out with scan photos or relevant photos (like baby’s first Christmas gifts - from my mum and brother, even though baby was still in the womb lol), anything exciting in baby’s development that I felt, or anything notable that ‘Mummy and Daddy’ did that week. I didn't fill it out every single week if nothing remarkable happened, but it'll be something we can both treasure for years to come. I used to love looking at mine and my brothers’ baby albums when we were little.

5. Prenatal vitamins 

From the moment you find out you're pregnant (or even before if you're preparing to get pregnant), find yourself in Boots or Superdrug and get yourself some folic acid and vitamin D supplements. These are essential for baby’s development in the first trimester. After a few weeks, I relied on daily Pregnacare tablets - which include these two vitamins and so many more - though there are other brands too. I also joked that these little pills would turn all my McDonalds chicken nuggets into a healthy, well-sized, kicking baby haha. Don't get me wrong, I've also eaten the most fruit and veg in these last months compared to any other period in my adult life; however, I've not been stingy with the treats either. Eating for two is a myth, but it's also an easy way to justify treating yourself. These prenatal vitamins mean I've been getting the nutrients I, and baby, need.

6. My Little Coco bump butter

I used this bump butter daily after showering from month 4 to 8 (until it ran out) and no joke, I had not one stretchmark on my stomach. It smelt nice, felt nice, and was super moisturising. Now, this lack of stretchmarks could be due to my genes (however, I have stretchmarks on my leg from pre-pregnancy…), but I will advocate and yell about this bump butter to anyone and everyone.

7. Family and friends support 

Okay, I know I said at the beginning that other people's voices can be overwhelming, but the right voices, or simply only hearing them when you've sought support or advice, has made the world of difference. 

While pregnant, I relied on my mum to answer a lot of my questions around baby’s in utero milestones and about birth as, not only had she birthed me and my two brothers, but she was a trained midwife while I was growing up. I also have a handful of friends who either had given birth in the last 10 years or actually were pregnant at the same time as me, just a few months ahead, who I spoke regularly with and were able to provide relevant, real-world information away from me just reading something in a book. Also, between them and family, provided a lot of helpful hand-me-downs - having a baby is expensive!

Also, there was an even smaller group of friends and family members who, despite not having children of their own, just let me know they were there: checking in on how I was feeling regularly, and giving me the space to talk about this really huge experience I was going through. Within this group I had someone who knew employment law around pregnancy inside out, and I even had a colleague who, if I made so much as a sigh or I indicated I was uncomfortable in any way, would check whether I needed anything to ensure I was more comfortable. 

Everyone has their own shiz going on, and while this pregnancy may be the centre of your world, it isn't the centre of everyone else's - however you'll fast become aware of who is invested and cares about yours and baby's wellbeing, and who is just all about ‘cuddles with the baby’ once born. It can be a hard pill to swallow, but it means that it is far easier to set boundaries going forwards with those people.

Christmas gifts received from family while in utero

Of course, there are plenty more things I could add to this list, from my pregnancy pillow to the Pregnancy+ app, Nugget Savings IG account to actually chatting to your midwives at appts, but in all honesty, there is just so much info and assistance out there these days in the UK, if you think you need something, it probably already exists.

Do what's right for you - at the end of the day, this is something going on with your body and your child, no matter how educated someone is on a topic, or what a book says. Follow your instinct. Oh, and don't rely on Google.

The realities of the first trimester: one person’s account

When I started this blog in my early 20s, it was a way to combine two of my loves: writing and travel. Along the way, it's become my way of recording smaller details of trips and life stages that I may otherwise struggle to recall. As 20s have turned into 30s, the love of travel - and the travel blogs - are still there, but now other types of adventures fill my words too. These blogs are just as much as to entertain and inform others, as they are a diary to me, so I can look back and reflect. 

“First trimester is ghetto” is a phrase I'd seen in comments under multiple IG reels. I had many preconceived ideas about the first trimester of pregnancy before this pregnancy, informed by family and friends’ experiences, the media, social media, what we learnt at school (which I've come to realise some of which is now out of date… science, eh). However, my own experience has challenged many of my beliefs and made me realise just how unique and varied pregnancy is. 

On the final night of my first trimester

Morning sickness - what’s the vibe?

As is the title of this blog post, this is just my account. Everyone is different - and feeling one way or another is not an indication of anything, so don't do what I did, and read too much into it in the early stages. I had built up an expectation of what morning sickness was, expecting my head to be hanging into the toilet bowl for around two months straight. When this wasn't the case for me, and on occasion, I went a day or two with no nausea whatsoever, my mind would go into overdrive, overthinking what it could mean - right now, having passed the first trimester, I can say it didn't mean a darn thing. 

Don't get me wrong, I did have nausea nearly everyday throughout the trimester - and it really went up a gear on certain weeks - but rather than feeling constantly, horrendously sick day in, day out, it was mostly manageable. I had certain triggers, like brushing my teeth or strong smells, that made it worse, but otherwise, I was able to manage it with peppermint (Polos were my constant companion), a little water, or perhaps counterintuitive, but eating something.  

Mental health 

Something I did struggle with, particularly in the first half of my first trimester, was miscarriage anxiety. For personal reasons and because of statistics so widely publicised everywhere, I would say it crippled my enjoyment in the early weeks; while my partner, our parents, and our close friends were jumping for joy, I would not allow myself to imagine my life in the next year, or the joy of holding my child, lest it didn't work out that way. I was telling myself it was self preservation and I was preparing myself for all outcomes, but was I allowing myself to even consider the good outcomes? No, I wasn't. 

Having spotting around week 7 really sent me into a tailspin. I had to work that day - I hadn't told work I was pregnant as yet, of course - and frankly couldn't care less about a social media post that hadn't gone out, or what Londoners should do on the weekend ahead, as I worried I was miscarrying my baby. But still I had to present my professionally and be readily available to my colleagues and campaigns - though I counted my lucky stars I always work from home on a Monday. Just two days later, I had a pre-booked EPU scan, which confirmed what my mum and partner (and even the dreaded Google) had tried to reassure me: baby was absolutely fine. We even saw his/her heart beat for the first time!!! It's always best to consult the EPU about blood in pregnancy, but try not to let your idea of the worst consume you, until you have all the facts. Blood doesn't always equal miscarriage, despite what we learnt at school. This was a real turning point for me, and despite any twinges my body experienced, I felt far more positive from this point onwards. 

I also am very lucky to have a supportive partner and father of my child to be; his approach is far less anxiety driven than mine, yet he’s given me the mental space to approach this in my own way as a first-time mother. Also, he’s definitely over indulged my "baby wants X, baby wants Y” requests… I don’t think baby actually knows what mussels or tea are, haha.

Exhaustion

Omg. This is what I struggled with the most in my first trimester, and no one warned me?! Yet, mentioning it to every mum and mum to be in my life, they responded with an “oh yeah, there is nothing like pregnancy exhaustion”. Erm, thanks for the heads up!

I guess it makes sense: your body is not only adapting to a new experience, but it is growing literal organs and body parts, so of course, it'll take it out of you. Despite leading a very hectic life throughout my 20s - full-time job, multiple side hustles, full social life - I’d never felt tiredness like this before. The exhaustion hit me HARD. I've never been a daytime napper, unless I'm really ill or really hungover lol, but I needed to lie down often.

Despite what stereotypes would have us all think, I actually work much harder at home than when I'm in the office - office is somewhat of a social visit, now we’re not in five days a week, right?! I really did struggle with the exhaustion during the workday, but I was determined not to let my work slip. As for office days, well, we all get that 4pm slump, right? Little did my colleagues know just how hard it was hitting me! Between that and vacantly staring into space, they probably thought I was coming up with witty puns for my campaigns, not just trying to keep my eyes open…

And what else? 

Pregnancy is one of those things that so many women go through, but still some things are unknown about it by doctors and scientists -  wild. I had various other symptoms that when I chatted to professionals or Googled (even though I shouldn't) were attributed to pregnancy, but with no rhyme or reason why. 

Halfway through my first trimester I caught a cold - the one that was truly wiping people out.  Apparently pregnant women have a lower immune system, but boy, I was bed bound for two and a half days, so I did NOT want to get that again. I was very careful about keeping my distance from people in public where possible after that, and did get a few sniffles, but Vicks-ed those feet up (Google it - old wives tale that works, promise!) 

General aches and pains are also just part of this new stage of life. From weeks 5-6, and 9, I had what felt like mild period cramps; this can be very normal during pregnancy as remember, the uterus is growing and expanding. Pains in other parts of your body (hello, boobs, hello, back) are also super normal too.

The 12-week ‘safe zone’

Back to the original point of ‘first trimester is ghetto’. While I obviously understand the reason why waiting 12 weeks to tell people is the done thing, I'd argue that the huge transition from not pregnant to pregnant is when you need support the most (well, until what happens at the other end of pregnancy, haha). It's a time where you're questioning this body you've lived in your whole life for every little thing - in fact, someone else is living in it with you! While I don't regret not telling the majority of work until after 12 weeks, equally, I really could have done with the professional support earlier on too, while my body and brain were going through something so radical. I did struggle at work some days, and yet I had to smile and pretend everything was normal, and still operate at the same high level I'd maintained for my career thus far. 

However, we threw out this 12-week rule for close family and friends, and it was the best decision. Don't underestimate the power of support. Sharing in joy is uplifting, and frankly, if the worst does happen, wouldn’t you want to go through that with support too? Although I already knew I have the best people around me, some of my family and friends still surprised me with just how thoughtful their actions and words were, and the regularity of check-ins. I also realised the breadth of support you need: you don't always just need to hear ‘this symptom is normal’, sometimes you need to hear ‘these are your legal rights now you're pregnant, so do this, this and this’. 

Medical appointments 

Speaking of practical advice, something that surprised me is the frequency of medical appointments in the first trimester. You basically do not exist to the NHS as a pregnant woman until 9 or so weeks (unless you have some problems/complications and visit the EPU before that time). I was shocked when telling my GP about my pregnancy that they basically leave you vibing out here with nothing until a good two and a bit months in. Also, the minimal amount of ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy also baffled me (don't get me started on the fact that you have to pay a nominal fee for the printed ultrasound pics, if not from an EPU visit!). This country and its budgets, eh, hahaha. I know it’s all relative due to the stage of pregnancy, but as a first-time mother, I was very glad to have my own mum - who is also an ex-midwife - as well as mum friends around to reassure me during this time.

While I'm SO excited to meet my child, I do also not wish away this time either, nor this experience. Let's see what I'll learn in this second trimester…