The top 5 things that helped me during my pregnancy as a first-time mum

Originally written just before the start of my third trimester - I will update this, and swap in and out if anything that changes in the final 12 or so weeks. If there is no update, well, then here is the list…

I have never been given as much information and advice about one topic until pregnancy. Everyone - and I mean everyone - has an antidote to share, whether their own experience or of someone close to them; you like one pregnancy reel on IG, and it'll be all the algorithm serves you forever more; and between medical appointments, and family and friends, you'll get enough advice to last you a lifetime! Between all these sources, it can sometimes feel hella overwhelming, especially as often there is conflicting information depending on your sources or someone's personal experience. Just remember, bottom line, women have been giving birth for thousands of years - it's what our bodies evolutionally are made for. 

If you are reading this also pregnant, I'm not seeking to overload you with more information. These are simply the 5 things that had a significant impact on my experience of pregnancy as a first-time mum, and I highly recommend:

1. Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill

If you do one thing, and one thing only, to prepare for birth, make it reading the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill. My fiance bought this book for me early on in my pregnancy, but I shelved it until the second trimester, quite frankly sh*t scared about the prospect of birth, and in the throws of miscarriage anxiety, I didn't want to jinx it by preparing for anything before 12 weeks. However, this book changed my whole mindset surrounding birth. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't like “yippee, this is going to be a pain-free experience”, but I felt far more empowered and knowledgeable, and no longer petrified about the prospect of birth after reading this book. It breaks down birth into the different stages, gives you the science behind what's happening to your body, provides good anecdotes from real women, and broadly covers natural birth, pain relief, c sections, water birth, and everything in between. You’ll have to await my blog about my birth experience to see if it helped me when the crunch came…

If you'd like to further your positive experience around this, enrol in a hypnobirthing course (as recommended to me by my step sister and a couple of friends), which shares a lot of this information and goes further with coping techniques, and tangible comparisons. I did two - an hour-long free session, and a paid-for longer online course by The Positive Birth Company - and, ladies, please pay. The first one I just couldn't get on board with and was far too hippy for me. However, the PBC one, while a lot of the same info was presented, it was far more science and holistic based, without the need for frivolities (or naming your bits human names).

2. Start4Life emails

These are run by the NHS, and sent directly to your inbox every new week (you put your due date in, which you can amend after your dating scan too, so it's literally catered to your baby’s new week - i.e. I received them each Wednesday). It breaks down the information you may need week by week as you progress further into your pregnancy - whether it be an article about sleeping on your side, reassurances about implantation bleeding, or your rights do flexible hours - rather than overloading information in one go that might not be relevant to you for months yet. It also keeps you updated on your baby's progress week to week too, from their size to their milestones they're hitting within the womb. 

3. Baby memory book 

I love to write my personal blog posts, be it about travel or pregnancy, as a way to look back on my experiences in years to come. I also am big on printing out photos at the end of each year and putting them in a physical album. This is an amalgamation of both. I got a baby book, one that covers weekly from nine weeks in utero to baby’s first birthday, as one of my first purchases, and relished in filling it out with scan photos or relevant photos (like baby’s first Christmas gifts - from my mum and brother, even though baby was still in the womb lol), anything exciting in baby’s development that I felt, or anything notable that ‘Mummy and Daddy’ did that week. I didn't fill it out every single week if nothing remarkable happened, but it'll be something we can both treasure for years to come. I used to love looking at mine and my brothers’ baby albums when we were little.

4. Prenatal vitamins 

From the moment you find out you're pregnant (or even before if you're preparing to get pregnant), find yourself in Boots or Superdrug and get yourself some folic acid and vitamin D supplements. These are essential for baby’s development in the first trimester. After a few weeks, I relied on daily Pregnacare tablets - which include these two vitamins and so many more - though there are other brands too. I also joked that these little pills would turn all my McDonalds chicken nuggets into a healthy, well-sized, kicking baby haha. Don't get me wrong, I've also eaten the most fruit and veg in these last months compared to any other period in my adult life; however, I've not been stingy with the treats either. Eating for two is a myth, but it's also an easy way to justify treating yourself. These prenatal vitamins mean I've been getting the nutrients I, and baby, need.

5. Family and friends support 

Okay, I know I said at the beginning that other people's voices can be overwhelming, but the right voices, or simply only hearing them when you've sought support or advice, has made the world of difference. 

While pregnant, I relied on my mum to answer a lot of my questions around baby’s in utero milestones and about birth as, not only had she birthed me and my two brothers, but she was a trained midwife while I was growing up. I also have a handful of friends who either had given birth in the last 10 years or actually were pregnant at the same time as me, just a few months ahead, who I spoke regularly with and were able to provide relevant, real-world information away from me just reading something in a book. Also, between them and family, provided a lot of helpful hand-me-downs - having a baby is expensive!

Also, there was an even smaller group of friends and family members who, despite not having children of their own, just let me know they were there: checking in on how I was feeling regularly, and giving me the space to talk about this really huge experience I was going through. Within this group I had someone who knew employment law around pregnancy inside out, and I even had a colleague who, if I made so much as a sigh or I indicated I was uncomfortable in any way, would check whether I needed anything to ensure I was more comfortable. 

Everyone has their own shiz going on, and while this pregnancy may be the centre of your world, it isn't the centre of everyone else's - however you'll fast become aware of who is invested and cares about yours and baby's wellbeing, and who is just all about ‘cuddles with the baby’ once born. It can be a hard pill to swallow, but it means that it is far easier to set boundaries going forwards with those people.

Christmas gifts received from family while in utero

Of course, there are plenty more things I could add to this list, from my pregnancy pillow to the Pregnancy+ app, Nugget Savings IG account to actually chatting to your midwives at appts, but in all honesty, there is just so much info and assistance out there these days in the UK, if you think you need something, it probably already exists.

Do what's right for you - at the end of the day, this is something going on with your body and your child, no matter how educated someone is on a topic, or what a book says. Follow your instinct. Oh, and don't rely on Google.

The realities of the first trimester: one person’s account

When I started this blog in my early 20s, it was a way to combine two of my loves: writing and travel. Along the way, it's become my way of recording smaller details of trips and life stages that I may otherwise struggle to recall. As 20s have turned into 30s, the love of travel - and the travel blogs - are still there, but now other types of adventures fill my words too. These blogs are just as much as to entertain and inform others, as they are a diary to me, so I can look back and reflect. 

“First trimester is ghetto” is a phrase I'd seen in comments under multiple IG reels. I had many preconceived ideas about the first trimester of pregnancy before this pregnancy, informed by family and friends’ experiences, the media, social media, what we learnt at school (which I've come to realise some of which is now out of date… science, eh). However, my own experience has challenged many of my beliefs and made me realise just how unique and varied pregnancy is. 

On the final night of my first trimester

Morning sickness - what’s the vibe?

As is the title of this blog post, this is just my account. Everyone is different - and feeling one way or another is not an indication of anything, so don't do what I did, and read too much into it in the early stages. I had built up an expectation of what morning sickness was, expecting my head to be hanging into the toilet bowl for around two months straight. When this wasn't the case for me, and on occasion, I went a day or two with no nausea whatsoever, my mind would go into overdrive, overthinking what it could mean - right now, having passed the first trimester, I can say it didn't mean a darn thing. 

Don't get me wrong, I did have nausea nearly everyday throughout the trimester - and it really went up a gear on certain weeks - but rather than feeling constantly, horrendously sick day in, day out, it was mostly manageable. I had certain triggers, like brushing my teeth or strong smells, that made it worse, but otherwise, I was able to manage it with peppermint (Polos were my constant companion), a little water, or perhaps counterintuitive, but eating something.  

Mental health 

Something I did struggle with, particularly in the first half of my first trimester, was miscarriage anxiety. For personal reasons and because of statistics so widely publicised everywhere, I would say it crippled my enjoyment in the early weeks; while my partner, our parents, and our close friends were jumping for joy, I would not allow myself to imagine my life in the next year, or the joy of holding my child, lest it didn't work out that way. I was telling myself it was self preservation and I was preparing myself for all outcomes, but was I allowing myself to even consider the good outcomes? No, I wasn't. 

Having spotting around week 7 really sent me into a tailspin. I had to work that day - I hadn't told work I was pregnant as yet, of course - and frankly couldn't care less about a social media post that hadn't gone out, or what Londoners should do on the weekend ahead, as I worried I was miscarrying my baby. But still I had to present my professionally and be readily available to my colleagues and campaigns - though I counted my lucky stars I always work from home on a Monday. Just two days later, I had a pre-booked EPU scan, which confirmed what my mum and partner (and even the dreaded Google) had tried to reassure me: baby was absolutely fine. We even saw his/her heart beat for the first time!!! It's always best to consult the EPU about blood in pregnancy, but try not to let your idea of the worst consume you, until you have all the facts. Blood doesn't always equal miscarriage, despite what we learnt at school. This was a real turning point for me, and despite any twinges my body experienced, I felt far more positive from this point onwards. 

I also am very lucky to have a supportive partner and father of my child to be; his approach is far less anxiety driven than mine, yet he’s given me the mental space to approach this in my own way as a first-time mother. Also, he’s definitely over indulged my "baby wants X, baby wants Y” requests… I don’t think baby actually knows what mussels or tea are, haha.

Exhaustion

Omg. This is what I struggled with the most in my first trimester, and no one warned me?! Yet, mentioning it to every mum and mum to be in my life, they responded with an “oh yeah, there is nothing like pregnancy exhaustion”. Erm, thanks for the heads up!

I guess it makes sense: your body is not only adapting to a new experience, but it is growing literal organs and body parts, so of course, it'll take it out of you. Despite leading a very hectic life throughout my 20s - full-time job, multiple side hustles, full social life - I’d never felt tiredness like this before. The exhaustion hit me HARD. I've never been a daytime napper, unless I'm really ill or really hungover lol, but I needed to lie down often.

Despite what stereotypes would have us all think, I actually work much harder at home than when I'm in the office - office is somewhat of a social visit, now we’re not in five days a week, right?! I really did struggle with the exhaustion during the workday, but I was determined not to let my work slip. As for office days, well, we all get that 4pm slump, right? Little did my colleagues know just how hard it was hitting me! Between that and vacantly staring into space, they probably thought I was coming up with witty puns for my campaigns, not just trying to keep my eyes open…

And what else? 

Pregnancy is one of those things that so many women go through, but still some things are unknown about it by doctors and scientists -  wild. I had various other symptoms that when I chatted to professionals or Googled (even though I shouldn't) were attributed to pregnancy, but with no rhyme or reason why. 

Halfway through my first trimester I caught a cold - the one that was truly wiping people out.  Apparently pregnant women have a lower immune system, but boy, I was bed bound for two and a half days, so I did NOT want to get that again. I was very careful about keeping my distance from people in public where possible after that, and did get a few sniffles, but Vicks-ed those feet up (Google it - old wives tale that works, promise!) 

General aches and pains are also just part of this new stage of life. From weeks 5-6, and 9, I had what felt like mild period cramps; this can be very normal during pregnancy as remember, the uterus is growing and expanding. Pains in other parts of your body (hello, boobs, hello, back) are also super normal too.

The 12-week ‘safe zone’

Back to the original point of ‘first trimester is ghetto’. While I obviously understand the reason why waiting 12 weeks to tell people is the done thing, I'd argue that the huge transition from not pregnant to pregnant is when you need support the most (well, until what happens at the other end of pregnancy, haha). It's a time where you're questioning this body you've lived in your whole life for every little thing - in fact, someone else is living in it with you! While I don't regret not telling the majority of work until after 12 weeks, equally, I really could have done with the professional support earlier on too, while my body and brain were going through something so radical. I did struggle at work some days, and yet I had to smile and pretend everything was normal, and still operate at the same high level I'd maintained for my career thus far. 

However, we threw out this 12-week rule for close family and friends, and it was the best decision. Don't underestimate the power of support. Sharing in joy is uplifting, and frankly, if the worst does happen, wouldn’t you want to go through that with support too? Although I already knew I have the best people around me, some of my family and friends still surprised me with just how thoughtful their actions and words were, and the regularity of check-ins. I also realised the breadth of support you need: you don't always just need to hear ‘this symptom is normal’, sometimes you need to hear ‘these are your legal rights now you're pregnant, so do this, this and this’. 

Medical appointments 

Speaking of practical advice, something that surprised me is the frequency of medical appointments in the first trimester. You basically do not exist to the NHS as a pregnant woman until 9 or so weeks (unless you have some problems/complications and visit the EPU before that time). I was shocked when telling my GP about my pregnancy that they basically leave you vibing out here with nothing until a good two and a bit months in. Also, the minimal amount of ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy also baffled me (don't get me started on the fact that you have to pay a nominal fee for the printed ultrasound pics, if not from an EPU visit!). This country and its budgets, eh, hahaha. I know it’s all relative due to the stage of pregnancy, but as a first-time mother, I was very glad to have my own mum - who is also an ex-midwife - as well as mum friends around to reassure me during this time.

While I'm SO excited to meet my child, I do also not wish away this time either, nor this experience. Let's see what I'll learn in this second trimester…