How to combat loneliness when you move abroad

It may appear a little strange that I should be writing this only nine days into moving abroad, but my first bout of loneliness set in pretty early on. As someone who often does solo day trips, likes time to herself and was so sure she wasn’t going to get that homesick, I was pretty surprised at these feelings. Nonetheless, it doesn’t diminish my ability to recognise the incredibly lucky position I am in at the moment, or make me regret my decision to make the move; it is just part and parcel of totally uprooting life as you know it on your own.

It rained a fair bit during my first week, and I’m sure that initially contributed to it, but even in good weather, it was there bubbling away as I looked at pairs, groups and families throughout the day. Back home, I had quite an active social life; however, here, while I was happily posting photos all over Instagram, I kept quiet that it took an hour for me to find someone to snap a photo with me in (it was a lot harder than I’d expected to identify another solo traveller who wasn’t on the phone, asleep or donning headphones within my vicinity). I FaceTimed people back home, happy as Larry detailing my day ahead, as I know I am expected to be having the time of my life right now - I too am like “come on, girl, whatcha moaning about, as you sit on the beach?!” - and I don't want to worry anyone, least of all my mum (who will be reading this - read on, Mother Goose, you'll see I'm fine now!).

It is drilled into us that to be a strong woman in the 21st century, one must relish in her own company. It's not deemed an attractive quality to be needy (and it's not a value I personally hold high either). But, I'm going to say here and now that IT'S OKAY TO FEEL LONELY. It's not shameful, it doesn't make you weak; it is human, and we are social beings. I did feel ashamed to admit it initially, like I didn't have a right to feel this way in my enviable position, but everyone's feelings are valid. And another thing, there are ways you can cure it - or, at least, alleviate it a little.

Look at the bigger picture

It's easy to forget about the times you’ve actually spent with people when you've been on your own for at least eight hours straight each day. I felt lonely at the beginning of my day at Bondi Beach, yet just 12 hours before, I had been sat with my new housemates in ballgowns watching the Oscars, laughing away (then screaming away #HuntsmanGate). I've had some good meals and reality TV binges with people while I've been here and, when I recalled these, it helped alleviate the "I'm 100% on my own" feelings a little.

Also, remember why you moved abroad in the first place. When I visited Sydney in 2018, I left the city feeling like I needed a lot more time here, and that it was somewhere I could see myself potentially living. Fast forward two years, and here I am. Put yourself in the mindset of the girl or guy you were when you initially put these plans in motion, and look at the bigger, brighter picture.

Try not to rely on others

This may seem like silly advice when feeling you’re feeling lonely, but bear with me. As the saying goes, “you are responsible for your own happiness”; while you may have friends already in your new country, remember, they have their own lives too, just like you did at home. Try not to get disappointed if you don't fit into their routine in the way you’d expected; make your own routine instead. Dedicate the time you normally wouldn’t have had to your hobbies. Mine is writing, which is best done alone anyway, and is a great way to escape. In a similar vein, if your hobby is more team or sport-based, find a group in your area - there seems to be one for everything these days!

Another way you can make use of this ample alone time is to learn a new skill. Always wanted to know a bit more about Google Analytics? Fancy making a ceramic pot? There is no time like the present! Classbento.com.au offers a great selection of hands-on sessions in Australia, while a friend of mine, who relocated to Dubai, suggested Udemy.com for online classes.

Reach out

It may seem a little contradictory to my last point, but as I said, we are social beings. You're not the first person to be in this position and you won't be the last! Reach out to friends who have immigrated and see what they have to say. I got some great advice from a friend who moved to Canada from London, as well as another who moved to Dubai; they may have gone to different countries and in different circumstances, but we have a shared experience. Similarly, the friends or acquaintances you have in your new home may not even realise you're feeling this way, so be honest; I outright asked to set a plan with my housemate and she was right there, ready to don a swimsuit for a beach day.

Moreover, technology is an incredible gift; see whose time zone lends itself to a quick call. Even if it's not someone you wish to bare your soul to, hearing a friendly, familiar voice will set you right. You may even see your situation - being in an amazing new country, ready to explore - through their eyes as you chat.

Reaching out to strangers may help too. I am part of the Solo Female Travellers Meet Ups page on Facebook, and I posted a call out to people based in Sydney. I had many responses and struck up a good few chats, which have led to some meetups next week! If you’re staying in a hostel, this is a great way to go.

Avoid being hard on yourself

Lastly, you have to do what's best for you. Cry, indulge in a spot of retail therapy, order a large portion of chips to eat by the sea, because you just can't get enough of Hungry Jack's BBQ plum sauce (okay, I’m projecting now)… take care of number one.

What I learnt in my first week of living in Sydney

So, it’s pretty safe to say that my brain and body didn’t fully comprehend I was moving abroad, leaving behind my familiar city and way of life, until I was literally on the tarmac at Heathrow. Funnily enough, it was only as I stared at the HSBC building and the engines of the plane started to roar that I got a little teary (don’t worry, Mummy, if you’re reading this - I am fine now and was moments later!), despite all those hugs, kisses and messages in the last few weeks. Perhaps it was just a delayed reaction over closing my HSBC account a few weeks ago after circa 10 years?

Anyway, after finally landing in Sydney Airport after two fabulously smooth flights and impeccable service from Singapore Airlines, I was ready to begin this new adventure that I had dreamed about for a while, and everyone was so excited for me to begin. It’s only been a week so far, but I’d like to think I’m already starting to adapt, learning a few things along the way.

The sun is no joke

Okay, despite my first week in the city being pretty rainy, they’re (whoever “they” are) not joking when they say that the sun is different here. I am lucky enough to not usually get sunburnt, apart from a little on my nose and forehead, however, I wear sun cream to protect my skin from future damage. It’s not usually a big deal if I forget one afternoon though, even on holiday - well, until here! Within a couple of hours on my first day, the entirety of my arms and the bridge of my nose were the colour of a strawberry daiquiri (I realised, while I sipping on a mojito by the Opera House). So, first lesson: ALWAYS wear some sort of SPF coverage. The ozone layer is thinner over Australia, resulting in more UV rays reaching the earth and people’s skin here. And trust me, you can feel those rays for days after….

Pack minimal and buy

I was given this advice time and time again, but as someone who is quite budget-conscious, I didn’t really see the point in buying things I already had. In the end, I took what I could, and anything I hadn’t worn in ages, even if it was a summer piece, I left behind. Also, any cosmetics that were more than half used were binned, rather than taking up suitcase space. Because of this, I was able to enjoy hitting up Kmart Broadway, part of the Broadway Shopping Mall, buying all cute homey stuff, like bedding and towels, as well as some new clothes. Kmart is SO cheap, yet everything is pretty and decent quality. Another recommendation I was given was head to Chemist Warehouse for cosmetics; again, so cheap and there are a lot of familiar brands. For a quick conversion rate, remember AUD is roughly double GBP.

There’s always someone to help you out

… be it old friends, new friends or a stranger. I’m pretty lucky to have a few friends and ex-colleagues living in the city and, this week, I’ve sent so many ‘quick texts’ with the most obscure questions, from what’s the best moisturiser with SPF to what apps should I download so I can watch TV (9Now, 10Play and 7Plus, FYI - thanks!). Despite being a major city, it’s a helluva lot quieter and less densely populated than London, but for the most part, I’ve had attentive and friendly service wherever I’ve gone.

‘Home’ is never that far away

Okay, so technically, there are 10,500 odd miles between London and Sydney, but thanks to technology, it really doesn’t feel it (for right now, at least). I’ve had two experiences so far that have really honed in on how incredible technology is for being on the other side of the world: the first is chatting to my family on WhatsApp while on my flight; the second is video calling my aunt in the middle of the day (who is based in the US, 17 hours behind Sydney) and having a catch up with her, showing her the Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge. This was before I bought my Aussie SIM card; there is Wi-Fi nearly everywhere here.

On the recommendation of my friend who has recently moved to Melbourne, I bought an Aldi SIM card which, after topping up, is only $25 (£13) a month and affords you pretty great coverage all over the city, 18 GB of data and unlimited calls to 15 countries, including the UK. In the mornings and evenings, I have managed to maintain such regular contact with my mum, boyfriend and friends that it feels like they’re busy at work, so we’re just chatting in the mornings and evenings instead - and once I have secured a job, I will be at work in their sleeping hours anyway.

That said, while everyone does things differently, I feel like it’s good to put down some roots; be sure to nurture your important relationships back home, while also being present in your new place to make the most of the time abroad… this is something that I have been actively encouraged to do by my support network.

I have been extremely lucky with living arrangements in Sydney. Due to impeccable timing, I have moved into a central, well-priced room in a shared house, where one of the housemates is a really good friend (and ex-housemate) of mine. What’s more, the other housemates are really friendly and have made me feel so welcome that I’ve not once felt like a stranger or impostor. The house has such a good air about it; having a good home base where you’re comfortable is so important when every aspect of your life is brand new. A top tip another friend gave me is to bring some things from your room back home, so there is something familiar in your new space; for me, this was my dream catcher from Bali, a painting by my brother and my fridge magnets. Walking is a good way to get familiar with your new area; however, when walking for more than 10 minutes, one should opt for trainers rather than flip-flops (or ‘thongs’… weird), cos that shiz ain’t supportive of the ankles. I’m making sure that I walk everywhere unless it’s over an hour away. And don’t forget, it’s okay to feel lonely, even in your first week. With the rain, I definitely got a bout of the blues, but I made sure I got out, went to the gym and made a list of fun indoor activities I could do (FYI, there are a lot of museums and galleries here).

Say ‘yes’ but also do you

You’d be a fool to move abroad and not make the most of every opportunity that’s thrown your way - you may only get one chance to do some things, especially if, like me, you’re only planning to stay temporarily. I’ve enjoyed great food this week, connected with friends of friends, and currently have plans to go to the Fire Fight Australia bushfire benefit and volunteer at this year’s Sydney Mardi Gras, all things I’d probably have not done back home.

However, don’t feel pressured to say yes to everything and run yourself ragged. Not only may you not enjoy it all, but also, if you’ve not got money coming in as yet, it can be worrying to see your savings deplete. Strike that balance; while I’m constantly job hunting in my spare time, I’m also making sure I enjoy the time that I don’t have a job. When else in adult life do you get extended time off work without many responsibilities? I’m very thankful for this time off, especially with jet lag hitting hard in the first few days. Many 3am messages and 4pm naps have occurred this week… A friend, who previously moved from Canada to London, also recommended finding an activity that you genuinely enjoy doing by yourself, so that you can still go out, see things and have a good time, even if nobody’s around.

So, there you have it. I’m sure I will be learning a lot more in the coming weeks and months. If you’ve got any Sydney recs, or advice for moving abroad, let me know!

Five tips for job searching abroad

Finding a new job in this day and age is hard. While roles are more niche than the generation before us - there seems to be a job for every talent and taste - competition is fiercer, potential employers scrutinise harder at interview stage, and adequate pay is another matter altogether. Now, throw in a lack of experience in the country you’re applying… yup, it doesn’t look like an easy ride.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom! Working in a different country is an exciting opportunity to make some money while you’re discovering a new place, it offers new insight into a familiar industry (or the chance to get a taste of a new one) and it will give you unrivalled skills for when you return to your home country; you just need to get your foot in the door. If you’re looking for a new role abroad, read on for some pointers I have learnt (well, am learning!), or have been recommended by the people around me.

*The below is based on my experience searching for content writer roles in Sydney.

Sign up to all job alerts

This is something you can do before you’ve even set foot in the country. A month before I arrived in Sydney, I set up email alerts for every combination of content writer, digital producer, content editor, digital writer, etc, I could think of. I’ve found Seek, Indeed and LinkedIn the most helpful with this tactic, but I also check the Mumbrella jobs page regularly, and go directly to the websites of dream employers to send them an expression of interest or just see what they’ve got going on on the job front.

Get on the books of recruiters

Research the best recruiters in your industry; a simple Google search will do the trick, or ask for recommendations in relevant Facebook groups. Also, everyone knows a recruiter, or knows someone who knows a recruiter, so just ask in your circle! You never know what contacts you or your friends/colleagues have out in the wide world. Speaking of…

Talk to people

I am genuinely humbled by the amount of help my friends, family, colleagues, ex-colleagues and friends of friends have offered during my job search so far, from pointing me in the direction of specific people, contacting acquaintances on my behalf, suggesting companies to register interest with, ‘putting a good word in’ when I’ve applied to a company they work for, and more. I didn’t even realise some of these people had links to Sydney, so speak, speak and speak some more as you never know who you have in your midst.

Become a Faffer

… which sounds a lot ruder than it is haha. Find a Finder’s Fee, aka FAFF, is an international Facebook group with people posting job opportunities spanning a range of industries. These include in-house roles, permanent roles, contract roles, freelance roles, remote roles, everything really.

Keep positive

It’s disheartening getting rejection after rejection, or simply not even hearing back, especially after you put time and hope into the hundreds of applications you send out. It can feel personal, but remember it’s not. With regards to my visa, the working holiday visa, the six-month restriction on working in one place is a big deal-breaker; no one wants to train someone up to have to do it again in six months’ time. I changed tactic and now am applying solely for contract jobs. Similarly, on some good advice, I dropped mention of my visa in my cover letter, so it doesn’t put off potential employers in the first instance. Similarly, the time of year plays a big part - post-Christmas (and Australia Day here) is pretty quiet on the job front, so February onward, things should pick up. Now is not the time for shame either: follow up on emails you’ve sent, if you’ve not heard back.

In my panicky times in the month leading up to my move, when I was applying for jobs and getting nowhere, I was reassured that things would get moving once I was physically in the country. At the time, I didn’t understand that - my CV would show the same experience after all - but it’s the little details that can make all the difference, for example, the Australian address and phone number on your CV.

I was also given a good piece of advice: sit down, open Excel, and work out how long you can survive without getting a job. Take your moving abroad savings, note down regular outgoings (rent/hostel payments, bills, etc), any extras like travel insurance, give yourself an ‘enjoy the new country’ fund and be realistic. You might be prematurely panicking and not taking time to enjoy the amazingness of moving abroad.

Moving abroad: planning without making a plan

A new year always brings bold claims from people; how they're going to totally overhaul their lives, their outlook, their routine. And now it’s a new decade? Prepare yourselves for an influx of unbearable Instagram and Facebook proclamations of #newyearnewme #veganuary, etc, etc. And me? Hello, cliches, because I am doing the very same. Me - someone who always knows her next step, who plans things down to a T - will be stepping on a plane in just under a month, headed to the other side of the world, with no plan at all. No job, no home base. Me - who managed to fill out the same bag I took for two weeks in Cuba and New York with stuff for just one night in Kent - will have only a suitcase and a backpack with a few memories and many clothes. Scared? A little.

I guess this piece is semi 'blind leading the blind' (pretty sure there is a 2020/20:20 vision pun somewhere here, but I cba to *look* for it), but also a reassurance article of how to step out of your comfort zone and be an over-planner who lets go a little for once:

Get the big things in check

Unlike the Hollywood blockbusters where people just roll up or land in a foreign country, there are some things you really do need to do a little prep for - no matter how devil-may-care you’re trying to be. Sort your stuff out with HMRC (namely get your P45 from you last place of work and fill out the P85 form, so the powers that be know what to do with your tax and NI contributions), contact the Student Loan Company about what you’re going to do with your repayments while you’re out of the UK, and get familiar with the ins and outs of your visa: how much money minimum do you need to travel with? What kind of documents should you bring to the airport?

It might also be worth getting travel insurance; dependent on where you're moving to, you may only need it for the flight, or you could cover yourself for a month or two to give yourself some time to get familiar with the healthcare system wherever you’re headed. Oh, and make sure you have adaptor plugs (why not take two or three, then just use a regular extension lead?)

Find out what to apply for and when, when moving to Australia.

Chat, chat, and chat some more

You’re not the first person moving abroad, and you definitely won’t be the last. I am lucky to have a fair few friends and ex-colleagues who have done the UK-Australia move (or vice-versa); in fact, I also have two friends moving at around the same time (through to different parts of the country). Talk to them, get their advice, hell, ask for their help! I have one friend who has been meticulous with her planning, meaning any questions I have, she has the answer straight away, while others also set my mind at ease with “honestly, this is easy to sort when you’re here.” People love to help - just be sure to show some gratitude to those taking time passing on their wisdom. To those who have sent me emails, WhatsApps, voicenotes, Google Docs - THANK YOU! (Although a slightly different point, I also wanna say thank you here to my parents for letting me stay with them for a month, so I can save a month’s rent, and my bro for forcing me to the gym for that bikini bod.)

It’s not just your friends you can rely on either; you have a whole network out there that you may not even realise. Put a blast on Instagram stories a la Gossip Girl, calling for any recommendations, jobs, even spare beds. There are countless Facebook groups dedicated to moving abroad where you can find people going through the same upheaval as you, so can offer a kind word and, also, maybe point you in the direction of a job.

Speaking of jobs, whether you’re planning on travelling first, or just taking some time out, fire away emails and LinkedIn messages like it’s no one’s business. Send them to recruiters, send them to acquaintances, send them to your dream company. Now is the time to be bold - and you never know who might have a role going.

Have a Plan B

Okay, so I know the whole point of this post is saying to let things happen as they do without planning, but allow me this one thing, eh? I have a return flight booked for four months' time, in case it all goes tits up and I need to return to my… ahem… sanctuary (aka one of the busiest and brightest cities of the western world). However, I have also bought a flexi-pass, so I can change this easily if everything does go to plan.

Embrace the excitement

The main point, really. We all know I love to travel and best believe I have been making a checklist of the places I want to visit; like we have Europe on our doorstep, make the most of what will be on your new doorstep - and try not to get hung up on budget and money (where possible). For the most part, we live a monotonous life: we know what to expect from every part of the day (especially to expect unexpected delays on the London underground), so enjoy the thrill of not knowing what is around the corner for you. It's pretty liberating when people ask you your plan and you respond without one - the awe on their faces, the envy. And as you assure them that this normally isn't you, you become in awe of yourself - what you're doing is brilliant. If this pays off, your ambition will know no bounds.

Do you have any tips for moving abroad? Send them my way - I need them!