It may appear a little strange that I should be writing this only nine days into moving abroad, but my first bout of loneliness set in pretty early on. As someone who often does solo day trips, likes time to herself and was so sure she wasn’t going to get that homesick, I was pretty surprised at these feelings. Nonetheless, it doesn’t diminish my ability to recognise the incredibly lucky position I am in at the moment, or make me regret my decision to make the move; it is just part and parcel of totally uprooting life as you know it on your own.
It rained a fair bit during my first week, and I’m sure that initially contributed to it, but even in good weather, it was there bubbling away as I looked at pairs, groups and families throughout the day. Back home, I had quite an active social life; however, here, while I was happily posting photos all over Instagram, I kept quiet that it took an hour for me to find someone to snap a photo with me in (it was a lot harder than I’d expected to identify another solo traveller who wasn’t on the phone, asleep or donning headphones within my vicinity). I FaceTimed people back home, happy as Larry detailing my day ahead, as I know I am expected to be having the time of my life right now - I too am like “come on, girl, whatcha moaning about, as you sit on the beach?!” - and I don't want to worry anyone, least of all my mum (who will be reading this - read on, Mother Goose, you'll see I'm fine now!).
It is drilled into us that to be a strong woman in the 21st century, one must relish in her own company. It's not deemed an attractive quality to be needy (and it's not a value I personally hold high either). But, I'm going to say here and now that IT'S OKAY TO FEEL LONELY. It's not shameful, it doesn't make you weak; it is human, and we are social beings. I did feel ashamed to admit it initially, like I didn't have a right to feel this way in my enviable position, but everyone's feelings are valid. And another thing, there are ways you can cure it - or, at least, alleviate it a little.
Look at the bigger picture
It's easy to forget about the times you’ve actually spent with people when you've been on your own for at least eight hours straight each day. I felt lonely at the beginning of my day at Bondi Beach, yet just 12 hours before, I had been sat with my new housemates in ballgowns watching the Oscars, laughing away (then screaming away #HuntsmanGate). I've had some good meals and reality TV binges with people while I've been here and, when I recalled these, it helped alleviate the "I'm 100% on my own" feelings a little.
Also, remember why you moved abroad in the first place. When I visited Sydney in 2018, I left the city feeling like I needed a lot more time here, and that it was somewhere I could see myself potentially living. Fast forward two years, and here I am. Put yourself in the mindset of the girl or guy you were when you initially put these plans in motion, and look at the bigger, brighter picture.
Try not to rely on others
This may seem like silly advice when feeling you’re feeling lonely, but bear with me. As the saying goes, “you are responsible for your own happiness”; while you may have friends already in your new country, remember, they have their own lives too, just like you did at home. Try not to get disappointed if you don't fit into their routine in the way you’d expected; make your own routine instead. Dedicate the time you normally wouldn’t have had to your hobbies. Mine is writing, which is best done alone anyway, and is a great way to escape. In a similar vein, if your hobby is more team or sport-based, find a group in your area - there seems to be one for everything these days!
Another way you can make use of this ample alone time is to learn a new skill. Always wanted to know a bit more about Google Analytics? Fancy making a ceramic pot? There is no time like the present! Classbento.com.au offers a great selection of hands-on sessions in Australia, while a friend of mine, who relocated to Dubai, suggested Udemy.com for online classes.
Reach out
It may seem a little contradictory to my last point, but as I said, we are social beings. You're not the first person to be in this position and you won't be the last! Reach out to friends who have immigrated and see what they have to say. I got some great advice from a friend who moved to Canada from London, as well as another who moved to Dubai; they may have gone to different countries and in different circumstances, but we have a shared experience. Similarly, the friends or acquaintances you have in your new home may not even realise you're feeling this way, so be honest; I outright asked to set a plan with my housemate and she was right there, ready to don a swimsuit for a beach day.
Moreover, technology is an incredible gift; see whose time zone lends itself to a quick call. Even if it's not someone you wish to bare your soul to, hearing a friendly, familiar voice will set you right. You may even see your situation - being in an amazing new country, ready to explore - through their eyes as you chat.
Reaching out to strangers may help too. I am part of the Solo Female Travellers Meet Ups page on Facebook, and I posted a call out to people based in Sydney. I had many responses and struck up a good few chats, which have led to some meetups next week! If you’re staying in a hostel, this is a great way to go.
Avoid being hard on yourself
Lastly, you have to do what's best for you. Cry, indulge in a spot of retail therapy, order a large portion of chips to eat by the sea, because you just can't get enough of Hungry Jack's BBQ plum sauce (okay, I’m projecting now)… take care of number one.