Within the last 15 months, I decided to leave the UK, bought a visa, and actually lived abroad for over two-thirds of a year. Boy, that’s gone quickly. Although my return to London is three months earlier than I’d planned - the result of losing my job, a cancelled travel tour, suspended Greyhound buses, closed state borders and even hotel booking rejections (due to my Sydney hotspot postcode), cheers ‘rona - it makes the most sense within the circumstances. While I didn’t get to tick everything I wanted from this year off my list, due to repercussions of the Coronavirus pandemic, I had some INCREDIBLE experiences, learned so much about myself, and actually got to live like an Australian, rather than a Brit abroad.

To conclude this experience and start my next adventure, whatever the hell it is, here is a love letter - or perhaps a thank you letter - to my time in Australia and, actually, to myself. Buckle in, it’s a bit of a long ‘un.

Thank you for good luck and timing

I sometimes resent when people say “you’re so lucky!”, and I am very sparing when saying it to others. The notion of ‘good luck’ sometimes diminishes the hard work, sacrifices and intense planning a lot of us commit to in order to achieve the things we do. However, luck, or God’s good grace, did have its moment with my time in Sydney - particularly at the beginning! Entering the country when I did, a month or so before Coronavirus closed the international borders, was pure luck. As was the room I lived in central Sydney becoming available when it did, and securing a job within days of the job market plummeting and lockdown coming into effect.

Thank you for instilling a new confidence in me

As an adult, it would be inaccurate to say I was a shrinking wallflower (despite my height definitely fitting the ‘shrinking’ description!), but I would also be lying if I said I felt totally at ease in a room full of strangers. However, within the first month of my time in Sydney, I forced myself into situations where this was the norm, and it’s true: practice makes perfect. Before the Covid lockdown, I set up a flurry of ‘girl dates’, posting on the Solo Female Traveller Network and meeting some of these women in the hope of making new friends, as well as having dinners and drinks with friends of friends. In addition, when it came to the likes of job interviews, I feel less nervous than I used to, now used to speaking at length to strangers about my experience, job, opinions and thoughts.

Put most simply, my main learning of this whole trip is that if ever I need to, I can always up and start again from scratch - leave family, friends, my boyfriend, my flat, my things, my job, a city I know like the back of my hand - and still be okay.

Thank you for making exercise a more permanent feature in my life

Exercise once filled me with that pre-PE dread, until my friend went into PTing a few years ago. However, after a year or two, I was unable to train with her as we’d both moved houses, and I went right back to my old habits. Then again, in summer 2019, I began gymming regularly with my friend at lunchtimes, and maintained that when I moved home that Christmas with my brother; however, these were both more a socialising/quality time thing than doing it to better myself.

However, arriving in Australia encouraged me to maintain exercising as a way to have a routine when everything was brand-new and uncertain. It was an activity that I was able to do that didn’t feed my loneliness, but rather empowered me as someone on her own. I had never run in my LIFE for more than 30 seconds (honestly, ask my PT friend; that’s where I put my foot down, so to speak), yet here I was going on runs VOLUNTARILY, multiple times a week. It has made me more confident and comfortable in my body. And the bush walks of the Blue Mountains; who’d have thought something that involves bugs, dirt and long exercise would actually become one of my favourite hobbies?

Thank you for reminding me that everything happens for a reason

This is something I strongly believe in, but sometimes forget during hard times. It’s no secret that I struggled with the job search at the beginning, as I wasn’t used to being unemployed; it was something that affected me far more than I had expected. It’s pretty demotivating to apply for multiple jobs each day and get a stream of rejections (over 100, I counted) - or worse, pure silence - after you put time into the applications. I was even rejected from a role after receiving nothing but positive feedback from them throughout the process. However, like they say in Sex Ed classes: it only takes one! I landed a flexible role at a tech company, and was arguably more financially secure during the Coronavirus period than I would have been in another field (well, until I lost said job, but in the end, it was only a month earlier than I was due to finish…)

Thank you for ingraining that Instagram isn’t real life

We hear time and time again that “Instagram isn’t real life”; however, it’s all too easy to forget as we aimlessly scroll through photos of each other, lit in the best way, set in the best location, body positioned at the right angle. Scroll through my feed (@twentiesintransit - give me a follow while you’re there #shameless) and you’ll see that from the moment I landed in Australia, I posted copious beach photos, landmark snaps and whimsical walking views. You’d be forgiven for thinking I was living the absolute perfect existence - I would think the same from the outside. You know what? On some days, I really was living the dream, but this wasn’t the full picture. From a hospital spell of a loved one back home to the intense loneliness I felt for a good portion of my time in Sydney, particularly around months 4-6, then losing my job, at some points, I really struggled with these new feelings and grappled with changing my flight home on a regular basis. These things do not take away the incredible parts of my living abroad experience - not by a long shot - but they’re a reminder that social media doesn’t show us everything! Remember that when you’re feeling less confident and/or jealous after a scroll!

Thank you for the ‘once in a lifetime’ experiences

I was very blessed to have a fair few ‘once in a lifetime’ experiences before, and in between, the Coronavirus waves here. The first was attending the Fire Fight Australia concert, kind of Australia’s version of Live Aid for the national bushfire relief, where not only did we raise money, but I did a deep-dive into Australian music (plus see the likes of Queen, Adam Lambert and Olivia Newton-John).

Secondly, I got the opportunity to volunteer at Mardi Gras, which meant having some great one-to-one interaction with those who had been members of the parade FOR YEARS, and were able to enlighten me on what it’s been like for the LGBTQ+ community in Sydney over the years. Being a volunteer also enabled me to experience the amazing parade from the front row! This was one of the last big crowd events here before Covid restrictions came into effect.

Another huge one was riding in a hot air balloon over the Hunter Valley! It was an incredible experience that has been on my bucket list for years, and I even got to see wild kangaroos from above. Weirdly, you couldn’t feel a thing - the thing I could liken it most to is floating in a still pool. On the other hand, the whale watching cruise I could DEFINITELY feel. So much so, that I had to do everything in my power not to throw up into the provided sick bag. The captain came and chatted to me for a good while to distract me (after they had also re-routed the boat to come and pick me up at Circular Quay; I definitely cannot fault their customer service), and I saw actual whales out on the Pacific Ocean - incredible! Keeping in line with animals, one of the top moments of my whole time here was definitely camel riding in the sand dunes and into sea of Port Stephens, where we saw dolphins playing and a rainbow in the sky too, as well as horse riding on the beach at sunrise in Byron Bay. Both were magical experiences.

Thank you for your surplus of watermelon

This is my personal heaven, I can’t lie. Aside from fried chicken, one of my favourite foods is watermelon and, boyyyy, are they in ready supply here. My quick Woolies shop always provided a snack pot of watermelon bites, while I lost count of how many bars, restaurants and beachside cafes I visited during the summer and autumn that listed a watermelon cocktail or drink on their menu. At my favourite breakfast cafe, Organism, I always ordered the Deluxe Bacon Roll (and open sandwich of egg, bacon, apple, avocado, rocket and maple syrup), washed down with a watermelon smoothie….mm mm mmm. Remember though: seasonal menus. I was heartbroken during winter when these were off the menu.

Thank you for reminding me what amazing people I have in my life

I was reminded time and time again how incredibly blessed I am with the people I have in my life, from the moment my leaving do commenced to right now. From weekly Google Hangouts quizzes with my previous work team, Houseparties with my family (plus poker games with my brothers using the tablet), virtual dates with my boyfriend, a virtual ‘Christmas in July’ with my friend to general “how’s it going over there?” messages from friends, I felt a lot more people were virtually along on my journey with me than I’d expected. One of my most valued possessions here was an iPod a very good friend of mine created with voice recordings from my closest friends back home, and listening to their voices and messages reminded me why I did this each time I faltered. My boyfriend also orchestrated a video of these loved ones, plus some members of my family, singing Bob Marley’s ‘Three Little Birds’, which I still watch on repeat. Funnily enough, the people who probably wanted me home the most are the reason I stuck it out so long in these crazy COVID times: because of their support.

It wasn’t just people back home either: my housemates in Sydney were great in helping me adjust when I first arrived. Along with introducing me to the best trash TV (hello, MAFS and Dummy), one housemate (arguably over-)indulged my KFC and weekend away obsession, another practically filled half my wardrobe as we were a similar size, another was always waiting with open arms when I returned from time away, and as a house, we won $150 at The Winery Wednesday Night Quiz too. Then came my friend, who I met by chance in 2017: we were both travelling solo in Morocco and were roomed together by G Adventures. She and her family opened their home in the Blue Mountains to me with unprecedented hospitality for two months when the Coronavirus pandemic and lockdown rules came into play, and for two weeks before I returned to London. We celebrated things like Anzac Day and birthdays together, and I felt so at home with them. They are now truly my Aussie family and I can’t wait to see them again, be it here, in Oz, or elsewhere in the world!

Thank you for truly teaching me about myself

During a particularly lonely period, my mum sent me this quote from Mandy Hale: “the caterpillar grows wings during a season of isolation. Remember that next time you’re alone.” I thought I really knew about being by myself and also about who I was; after all, I’d had plenty of time to learn. However, until now, I’d never had this amount of time with my own thoughts, and I’ve learned far more than I expected. I’d be here for hours listing it all… and if you’ve read this far, I’ve taken up enough of your time already! I’ll just say, I am so grateful to have had this experience; for me, it turned out to be far more than just the chance to see some new places, go to the beach often and get an Aussie company or two on my CV.

If you need me, I’ll be somewhere in London, curled in a corner, eating Tim Tams, dipped in Vegemite, sprinkled with chicken salt and whispering ‘she’ll be right’ over and over again under my breath (that, or the C word #Straya).